Give a card, with the gift or shagun inside, to people you'll see at the wedding. Send a WhatsApp to wish the couple when you can't be there or to mark the day, and do both for close friends and family. A colleague usually gets one or the other. Whichever you choose, write it before the wedding, not on the morning.
What to write, including the shagun envelope and what to say if you can't come, is on the wedding wishes page. This page covers which to send, to whom, and when.
Match the format to how close you are
- Family and closest friends. Both. A card in person with the gift, and a personal WhatsApp in the days before, written to the person you know and mentioning their partner by name.
- Friends and cousins. A card with the envelope at the wedding. If you can't go, a WhatsApp and the gift sent through someone who can.
- Colleagues. One card, ideally the team's, or a short WhatsApp if you have their number. Both is more than the relationship needs.
- Neighbours, clients and acquaintances. If you were invited to the wedding itself, a card or gift is usually expected. If you weren't, a short message on its own is enough.
The card and the envelope are usually one parcel
If you're giving shagun, put your note on a card inside the envelope, not only on the outside. Envelopes are opened later and often set aside, and a card tucked in with the money stays with it. Seal it, and make sure your name is on the front.
Handing it over
Hand it over where the hosts have set up for it, such as a gift table or a collection box, or to a family member. Do it early, so you aren't carrying it round the whole event. If you can't see where it goes, ask someone from the family instead of guessing, and don't push it into the couple's hands in the middle of photographs.
When a WhatsApp is the right thing
- You can't attend. A message plus the gift, sent on time, says more than either alone.
- You want to wish them on the day. Send it the evening before or the day after the ceremony. On the day itself their phones are with relatives, and a message gets buried under a hundred others.
- You're not close. A short, warm message is better than an awkward card.
Write it as a message from you, not a forward. A glittering image from a group chat says nothing about the couple. And if they invited you in person, a WhatsApp status isn't a substitute for a message to them.
A group card at work
Whoever starts it should set a deadline before the couple goes on leave, since they'll be away for the wedding. Keep each line to a sentence, sign your own name, and give it to the couple, or their closest colleague, before the leave starts. If they've already gone, a WhatsApp from the team group is fine, and the card can wait for their return.
If you can't be there
Get the gift there before the wedding. Ask a mutual friend who's going to carry it, or send it by courier. Some people now send shagun digitally. If you do, send a message with it, so it doesn't arrive as a bare payment notification.
You don't need to explain why you're missing it. Say you're sorry, congratulate them, and suggest a way to celebrate later.
Where to go from here
- Wedding wishes what to write on the card and the shagun envelope, and what to say if you can't come
- Wedding wishes for a friend for the card or the message
- How to write a message that sounds like you the method, in three moves